She Just Rules

Twitter has become my go-to source for breaking news.  If it happened, that's where I'll hear about it first.  This morning I became immediately curious when "DePape" kept popping up through my feed.  Could it be?... 2008 was a good year for shows at the Ottawa Fringe Festival.  That year I was doing This Is A Play by Daniel MacIvor with Evolution Theatre, but I remember seeing a lot of other great stuff. That was the year of Nadine Thornhill's The Wedding Night (BTW, check out my interview with Nadine on her blog now!), Die Roten Punke rocked the house at the Alumni Auditorium, A Leave of Absinthe, Crude Love, and some incredible solo performances in Jayson McDonald's Boatload and Brigette DePape's She Rules With Iron Stix.

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVED Boatload. It definitely impacted me both as an audience member and as a performer.  I never realized until then that one person could do so much on stage with so little and still tell a beautiful and compelling story. But the one that really stuck with me, the one that made me go "Holy Shit!" was the quirky and charming tale of a baton twirler who, when she got angry at the world, threw recyclables in the trash.

Brigette DePape was 19 and this was her third Fringe show.  She wrote and performed in her first one-woman show when she was 15. FIFTEEN! And she was now going on tour.  When the show was over, I wandered over to the beer tent absolutely gobsmacked (and feeling rather old and inadequate at the ripe ol' age of 27).  But after seeing She Rules With Iron Stix. I knew two things: I wanted to write/perform in a one-woman show and I wanted to take it on tour.

I didn't know what I wanted to write about until much later, but at some point before then I contacted Brigette to get her advice. We had tea and talked about theatre and travel and our plans for the future.  Once again, I was instantly taken in and inspired by this smart, charming, passionate and beautiful soul.  And I couldn't help thinking, I was not this brave at 19.

It's a few years later and I'm getting ready to finally present my one-woman show at this year's Ottawa Fringe Festival (What can I say? I've always been a late bloomer), a show that I hope will go on tour next year, when my eye catches a familiar name sliding through my Twitter feed: DePape...  Once again, your passion and bravery never ceases to amaze me.

You can read up on what happened by clicking on her name above, or you can Google her like I did.  And if you do, you might come across this awesome little piece that Brigette wrote herself for Guerilla Magazine about Iron Stix.  I got a little choked up when I made it to the end of the article:

But there was another kind of payoff for me. After seeing Iron Sticks, an Ottawa actress who’s always wanted to do a one-woman show decided she’s going to do her own in next year’s Fringe. Just as the lonely piano player chatting with a dead bird inspired me, my lonely twirler conversing with her baton inspired someone else.

You totally did, B.  My show which opens in less than two weeks?  I dedicate to you. Roller Derby Saved My Soul? Nah, Brigette DePape did.

Roller Derby Saved My Soul opens at the Ottawa Fringe Festival Friday, June 17th at 8 p.m. in Leonard Beaulne Studio - 135 Seraphin Marioan. Advanced tickets available here.

Writing Is Hard

I've always thought writing was a solitary activity, which suits me just fine when it comes to putting together a short little blog post. But writing a whole play? I find that to be a daunting and often overwhelming task.

I have an overall vision for the show, but there are lots of points where I just keep getting stuck. Luckily, my wonderful director, Tania Levy, has helped me break down my scenes and story into different beats to get a clearer idea of how to achieve the big picture.

As a visual learner, I found that this has helped me out a lot. Though obviously not enough to stop writing a blog post and create a new script draft instead...

Two weeks until opening.

It's Coming...

Yesterday, the Ottawa Fringe Festival had it's Media Launch. Today, I am in the papers. So I guess it's probably time to let you know what all the fuss is about?

Roller Derby Saved My Soul Written and performed by Nancy Kenny Directed by Tania Levy Stage Managed by Nicolas Alain

Ottawa Fringe Festival - Venue #5 Leonard Beaulne Studio 135 Seraphin-Marion – University of Ottawa

Friday, June 17 – 8 p.m. Saturday, June 18 – 3:30 p.m. Sunday, June 19 – 11 p.m. Thursday, June 23 – 5:30 p.m. Saturday, June 25 – 8 p.m. Sunday, June 26 – 5 p.m. Tickets: $10 at the door Discounted festival passes available online

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

OTTAWA – May 31, 2011 – You may have heard of Roller Derby in the past, but nothing can prepare you for what happens in Nancy Kenny’s hilarious one-woman show, Roller Derby Saved My Soul, part of the Ottawa Fringe Festival between June 16 to 26, 2011.

About the play: Knee socks. Check. Roller skates. Check. Wooden Stake. Check. Wooden stake?

Amy never wanted to be a hero, but suddenly she is thrust into a world where “things that go bump in the night” are out to get you. Armed with a crash helmet and a mouth guard, she fights for humanity, one hip- check at a time. And maybe, just maybe, she will finally beat her sister at something.

Written by local performer, Nancy Kenny, this world-premiere was first workshopped in London (ON) at the Big Comedy Go-To where it had the audience in stitches. Kenny, who spent time training with Roller Derby teams in Ottawa, Toronto and Red Deer in order to do research for the script, claims that at the heart of it all, “the piece is really about family – the ones you're born into and the ones you create for yourself.”

Ottawa audiences will remember Nancy Kenny for her performance work in Little Martyrs (Evolution Theatre), Shining City (SevenThirty Productions) and Rabbit Hole (The Gladstone), among others. Regular Fringe goers will recall The Last Godamned Performance Piece (Black Sheep Theatre – Les Prix Rideau Award nomination, Outstanding Fringe Production), the sold-out run of Daniel MacIvor’s This Is A Play(Evolution Theatre), and an Outstanding Performance and Best in Venue Award for Tuesdays & Sundays (No E Productions).

What people are saying: “Kenny delivers such a strong, confident, funny performance.” – Stephen Hunt, Calgary Herald (in Last Godamned Performance Piece)

Tickets are $10 at the door. Multiple festival show passes may be purchased at a discounted rate through the Ottawa Fringe Festival. Advance tickets available for purchase online soon!

Visit www.ottawafringe.com for more information.

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

I feel angry today. Irrationally angry. The kind of angry where seeing nice, happy, beautiful things just seem to piss you off. Like how DARE you majestic view of the Rideau Canal be so gorgeous, peaceful and calm when I feel like a volcano ready to explode. Just fuck right off before I smack you in your smug majestic face with my crash helmet. I have no reason to be feeling this way. Rehearsal went fairly well today. My team is absolutely amazing, filling the room with laughter and positive reinforcements. But still, I fall prey to fear, anxiety, doubts.

The weather isn't helping. The cloudy skies are misleading, making it appear colder than it really is. The humidity, once something I relished, now makes an uncomfortable prison of my clothes. I have never loathed all the additional weight I carry around with me more.

My body feels like it's betraying me, attacking me in a myriad of little ways that just makes me gross all over. This week, people told me I didn't look very sick. That's because they caught me in "work mode" where I slap on some makeup, fill my time with tasks and repress repress repress everything that I might think inappropriate or weak.

FINE!

Tonight, I'm turning off the phone and the emails. I'm going to go hide in the cool darkness of my temporary basement accommodations and let the storm brewing inside rage in relative safety and privacy.

Tomorrow will be what it will be.

Hero Worship

I am a professional. I have been working in the theatre industry for many years. I have some good skills and I know how to use them. I'd also like to think that I am a pleasant individual, a people person who's passionate about what she does and knows how to get other people passionate too. But most of all, I have a strong professional attitude and work ethic. And then someone comes along that just shakes all that up.

I've been working at the Great Canadian Theatre Company recently and they've got a show coming up that's also a part of the Magnetic North Theatre Festival. That show? This Is What Happens Next by Daniel MacIvor.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I am a HUUUUUUGE fan of MacIvor's - notice the many U's in HUGE so you know I'm serious. The man's writing speaks to me on a level that hits me square in the gut. I own most of his plays. I've had the privilege of performing in one of them and regularly use a monologue from another for all of my theatre audition purposes. I can honestly say that his work is one of the reasons I was inspired to create my own one-woman show. I was incredibly disappointed when I missed his appearance in Ottawa a few years ago as part of Transgress, an event at the Writer's Festival.

And on Tuesday, I get to meet him.

My mind is racing. Just thinking about it I feel like I must be 12 and my I.Q. just dropped about 30 points. Will he like me? What if I spent all this time with one massive arts crush and it turns out he's a dick? Can I "accidentally" leave a script to my Roller Derby show lying all over the theatre? DoIhaveanythinginmyteethWhycan'tIstopsweatingWHOISTHISPERSONTALKING? Dear Jeebus please don't let anyone catch me mumbling practice conversations...

I am such a dork.

Special Announcement

Dear friends and colleagues, it is with mixed emotions that, after almost five and a half years, I officially announce my resignation as Director of Communications for Evolution Theatre effective June 30, 2011. This was not an easy decision as I helped found this company all those years ago. I will, however, stay on as a member of the Board of Directors for the foreseeable future. I wish the company all the best as it moves into a new phase as a Resident Company of the Arts Court Theatre and I will continue to be an avid fan.

Much love to Chris and Linda. It's been quite the ride.

For my part, I will be switching my focus towards many personal projects, the most pressing of which is my one-woman show, Roller Derby Saved My Soul, at this summer's Ottawa Fringe Festival.

WANTED: Fringe Director

To be honest, I thought the hardest part about producing my own Fringe show would be finding the money ahead of time to do it. Obviously, I jinxed myself and the Universe threw my hubris back into my face with a big giant "Oh yeah?" And now, I find myself without a director for my one-woman show - Roller Derby Saved My Soul. My previous director left for completely legitimate family reasons, but still, I am now in a pretty delicate position with little over a month until opening.

So, I put it out there to you in the blogosphere. Do you know of a good, professional director with experience in solo performance and/or physical theatre who might be interested in directing a new work for the Ottawa Fringe Festival this June? This is a project that falls under a profit-share agreement through the CAEA Festival Policy. I can't promise much money, but I can promise some challenging and creative work and a most-awesome stage manager.

If interested or have any questions, please email me at nancyjkenny at yahoo dot com. If I am not familiar with your work, please send along a resume and relevant experience.

Thank you!

Not a director but still want to help out? Donations to the project are much much much appreciated!

The Violent Wind Blew the Wires Away

I've been wanting to blog for a while now, but the Month of May has been one crazy busy adventure so far. I quit a job, only to quickly get hired for another. I started and ended a school tour. My theatre company opened what is probably our most successful show to date (a success we mostly attribute to the ability to purchase tickets online - but more on that in another post). I did promotion work, as well as standardized patient work. Saw some shows and had some great auditions. I went on an emotional roller coaster into a past filled with what ifs and coulda beens and, oh yeah, I celebrated my entrance into a new decade, not so much with a bang as a snotty, sobby, little whimper. Yeah, it was my birthday last week.

But all in all, things are good and the future looks bright. Post-London, I've started rehearsals for my upcoming Ottawa Fringe Festival show, Roller Derby Saved My Soul. Now that the high from my pseudo-workshop presentation has worn off, it's time to get to work. Stressful, stressful work. As most Fringe artists do, I wear three separate hats for this project: actor, writer and producer.

Currently, I've already spent close to $800 on this show in Fringe fees, publicity photos & rehearsal space. My director would like a good 40 hours of rehearsal throughout the next month. Since my show takes place on roller skates, this negates the possibility of rehearsing in a living room or other such area. This means I have to rent something. The basic cost of renting space is somewhere between $10 to $12 an hour. If you do the math, that means I need at least $400 in rehearsal space alone. And that's not factoring things like printing of posters, props/costumes/sets/lights, union insurance... fuggetabout paying my director and stage manager or even myself.

Yes, once ticket sales start coming in, it will cover a lot of my initial costs, but right now, I'm really not sure how I'm going to manage. This is all coming out of pocket. My very strapped hobo pockets.

So, this is where I'm asking for some help. It was my birthday last week, but I didn't have a party and I don't drink anymore. In celebration of this new year in my life, if you wanted to take me out, buy me a drink or take me for lunch or something, I have a better idea. Please consider donating that amount of money towards my upcoming Fringe show. Trust me, it will be put to good use.

THANK YOU, LONDON!

If you are a regular follower of this blog, you are well aware of my absolute fan-girl obsession with a little festival called the Big Comedy Go-To in London (ON). I had attended the first two festivals, which brings together some of the best stuff on the Fringe Circuit with some hilarious local acts (and from a town that brought you Paul Hutcheson, how could the locals NOT be funny?), mixes them all together into one giant cocktail of awesomeness that gets delightfully shotgunned down your throat by master bartender mastermind Jayson MacDonald. Now in its third year of existence, I was tired of being a simple looky-loo and desperately wanted to participate. Safe in the knowledge that I would (finally) be performing my one-woman show at the Ottawa Fringe, I figured if I could get something ready for this April festival, by June I would be laughing.

April was probably the most stressful month of my life.

Swamped with various work projects, I toyed with the idea of quitting EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I have to send out a huge thank you to Chris, Linda, Emily, Tim, Margo and everyone else who listened to me rant and offered constructive criticism when all I really wanted to do was go hide in my room and throw my laptop out the window. Somehow, through what can only be magic and the bending of the space-time continuum, it all came together.

I arrived in London late Friday night after spending the day doing re-shoots for a student film I worked on in Hamilton. Though the timing of the re-shoot was not the best, the offer to buy me a train ticket to London (and the total wonderfulness of the director) convinced me to do it.

Before I had even walked into the pub where that nights events were taking place, I got dragged into participating in an Improv Cage Match. Thinking this would be a great opportunity to "use the chair," I agreed to play. About a dozen improvisers get mixed up and put into teams of two or three with people they have never worked with before. The audience then decides who brings the most funny and the winners move on.

My team got eliminated in the first round. This stupid contest was obviously fixed.

I found out that my tech time was scheduled for 11 am the next morning. That said, my billet's house often dubs as after-party central, which means getting more work done or, you know, sleeping was out of the question. Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em in the hot tub, is what my mother always used to say...

With less than two hours of sleep, I was up and at 'em, rewriting scenes over breakfast while burning my sound cues before the venue opened. Tech went well, as did the rehearsal photoshoot for the festival. I followed that up with a lunch outside with festival organizer Jayson MacDonald before participating in a panel discussion on comedy. These discussions where always my favorite part of past festivals so I was thrilled to be invited into this one.

That done, I quickly grabbed a tea (coffee jitters be damned!), printed out a fresh copy of the script for my technician and myself (I had decided that this would be a staged reading after all), and got ready for my show. As I put on my roller derby gear, I tried not to let my nerves get the best of me.

And you know what? It was awesome!

It was a very friendly audience that laughed and was with me throughout the whole show. After, I got some great feedback from people I respect and realized that, yes, I do have a show in there. I could finally breathe. A little.

After a quick bite, I came back to watch some of my favourite Montrealers, Uncalled For, in their new improv show, Trial by Jury. It was brilliant. These guys are amazing. And I now have a bit of a girl crush on the lone female member in the troupe.

But my night wasn't over yet. We still had the "Big One" stand-up comedy night to get to. And yes, I was participating in that one too.

After I was done, I felt the adrenaline leave my body. I was falling asleep in my chair, but toughed it out until the end of the event. I passed on the post-show festivities and took a cab to my billet's, secure in the knowledge that he was out of town and I would therefore be able to avoid any after-party at the house.

After what was probably the best night of sleep I'd had in months, I woke up feeling happy and creatively refreshed. I had great Easter breakfast with a bunch of the festival performers before heading back to Ottawa.

Thank you London, thank you to my billet Jeff, thank you to the Big Comedy Go-To and Jayson MacDonald! But most of all, thank you to Peter Janes for believing in me and this show before there was even anything to believe in. I would not have been able to do it without your support.

Ottawa Fringe won't know what hit it.

Just Shoot Me Now

The last time I wrote a play, I was torn apart by the critics, lost my shirt (metaphorically) and my best friend (literally). So you can probably understand why writing a new play terrifies, nay petrifies me. Though I've been talking and talking about it, my show about Roller Derby, lets be brutally honest here, is barely past the concept stage. Because every time I want to get something done, I freeze. Or something comes up. I need to do just one more hour of data entry for the GCTC. I need to create a better chart for Odyssey Theatre. Hey, a benefit performance for Evolution Theatre's next show sounds like an amazing idea! Let's do that! Please. More work. More distractions. Get so exhausted that I can't even focus my mind, let alone write something coherent. Theatrical. Let's do anything and everything except write a godforsaken play that will probably suck balls and tarnish any goodwill I have built up as an artist.

Sigh.

People have been asking me how it's coming along and I want to throw up in my mouth a little. I can't even look you in the eye. I want to run away, hide in a deep cavern, preferably underwater, never to be heard from again. Because for some reason there are people out there who actually believe I can do this. People who have donated time and money and encouragement. To me, those people must be fucking crazy. I feel so very unworthy of those people.

But the safety bar has come down, the ride has started its slow ascent up that giant hill and it doesn't give a shit whether or not I'm scared of heights. There's no getting off now. My money has been handed in, scheduling is currently underway and, like it or not, I've got deadlines that demand to be respected.

So, you heard it here first:

Roller Derby Saved My Soul By Nancy Kenny Directed by Christopher Bedford

Big Comedy Go-To - London, Ontario April 23, 2011 - 7pm

Ottawa Fringe Festival - Ottawa, Ontario June 16-26, 2011

Venues and Times TBC

Say Goodnight And Go

I had eight auditions and two callbacks over a three week period: one feature film, two commercials, a student film, a low-budget short, and three theatre auditions for which I received two callbacks. This is a dream situation for any actor. Sure, they were all pretty equally broken up over three different cities (the Golden Triangle of MTL-OTT-TO), and I never spent more than two days in the same city throughout that time, but it happened. This is amazing. This is incredible. This has never happened to me before and it is exactly where I want to be, right? Well, sort of. Auditions are great, they really are, but I want to work, paid work, so I can maybe actually settle somewhere for a little while, you know, perhaps more than a week... gosh, wouldn't that be nice?

The unwritten rule of thumb for actors is that you are doing well if you happen to book 1 out of every 10 auditions. Of all of them, I booked the student film. Which is awesome and I totally did a bit of a happy dance at the prospect of being the lead in a film, even if I don't get paid for it. I'll talk more about it later on, but I'm really looking forward to finally getting some material that I can use for a demo reel in the hopes of booking more (paying) work in the future.

I'd like to say that it doesn't bother me when I don't get the gig. That after all this time I am soooooooo beyond that and everything just slides right off my back. Or that maybe I was lazy and didn't prepare enough and so it's my own fault I didn't get it. But I know that's not the case. Not this time. I've risked too much to be lazy. I worked my ass off for every single one of these auditions. I met up with a partner to work on monologues and scenes. I hired a coach. I was in a play, so that initial "desperation" for work didn't creep in because I was already working. Everything was aligned.

But not really.

One after another, in comes the "thank you very much" speech. If you're lucky, because sometimes it doesn't even come in at all. So I got bummed. I didn't want to because logically, I know how this works, that I can't take it personally and...

Oh fuck that shit! I took it personally. I did. You put too much of yourself into this job not to. I had a pity party where the DJ played variations of the Top 40 hit "Nobody in this Town Wants to Hire You as a Performer," the country blues classic "I'd Have a Drink, but my Doctor Told Me Not To," the smooth power ballad "Love Walks Away from Losers," and the raging punk rock anthem "Fuck You (Building a Career Out of Spite)." Albums are on sale now. Just send me $9.99 via Paypal and I'll send you your very own copy. All proceeds go to Nancy's Roller Derby Fund.

Because after the party was over and all was said and done. I picked myself back up, which is incredibly easy to do if you're sober (imagine that!) and went back to work. I met with my director for my upcoming Roller Derby show. We hacked away at the script until I'm almost starting up again from scratch. And I'm ok with that. It felt good to see he got some of what I was trying to say and could articulate the parts I knew weren't working but couldn't understand why. I have a structure now, which is great, and I can move forward.

Run, stumble, fall. Get up. Repeat. Run, stumble, fall. Get up. Repeat. Run, stumble, fall. Get up. Repeat.

Just make sure you get up.

Derby and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I did it. I joined a Roller Derby team. Well, I didn't join a particular team, I joined their rookie training program (or "Fresh Meat" if you're cool). Today was the first day of practice. I showed up, put on my skates and gear and set out for a lap around the track.

And there it was. The rush of air brushing lightly against my jawline, teasing around my neck and trickling down my back like a familiar caress from a long forgotten lover... The breeze gives me wings that open up and envelop me. There's a feeling of pure bliss that makes you wonder how you haven't been doing this your entire life.

The only other time I've felt like that? When I learned to drive a motorcycle for the first time.

Other than the amazing rush factor, Roller Derby and Motorcycle Riding have a lot in common. For instance, in both cases you need to keep your head in the direction you are going - this facilitates turns. In other words, don't look down. Or as one of my lovely trainers explained this past weekend: "The ground is still going to be there, you don't need to check. Ok, maybe check before you take off, just to be sure, but trust me, you don't need to check."

Both also require a certain amount of balance and intimate knowledge of your centre of gravity - two things I never knew I had. I remember when I took my first riding lesson, the instructor asked if I was an athlete of some sort. Not at all, was my reply. It just seemed to her that I knew how to really "sit" on the machine. If I remember correctly, she said I had a certain amount of grace in it.

Grace? Me? I guess.

The thing is, when I first put on a pair of roller skates, people said pretty much the same thing. In fact, they couldn't believe it was the first time I had tried them on. It all just came so easy to me.

Now, that's not to say that I got on a bike or put on some skates and I was all super L33T pwn at it (or for my non-n00b friends - I wasn't a all super professional). I failed my motorcycle driving test on the first try and my ass has seen a decent amount of cement, though I was quite happy that did not happen this time around. But I know that in both cases, with regular practice, these are two things that I could be really really good at.

Let the good times roll.

Reflections on 2010

2010 has come and gone and here I am alone in my condo reflecting on the time that has gone by with the Simpsons/Family Guy marathon that seems to be continuously  on Global on Saturday afternoons playing in the background. January 2010 was a pretty dark time for me. After months of no work, I was starting a new job at the Great Canadian Theatre Company and feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. My finances were a mess, my heart was broken, I was experiencing panic attacks... I was feeling utterly and completely lost.

And then someone very special walked into my life. Our time together was brief, but also incredibly illuminating. His lust for life was contagious and, as he disappeared back into whatever magic vortex he came from, he left me with a very simple: "Hey, life is awesome."

I'm very grateful to this person because my entire attitude changed after our encounter and every risk, every move, every dream I've dared to pursue to its fullest this past year can be directly traced back to the impact he had on me.

After that, things began to change almost immediately and 2010 was a very good year.

I had more professional acting gigs than ever before. It started out with this fun little number: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBDXhhuEfDA&feature=related]

There was not one, but two jobs as a stand-in where I got to work alongside people like Adam Beach, Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Lawrence; a school tour with A Company of Fools (which I may very well be reprising in 2011) that lead to a one-off in Montreal and at the Lumiere Festival; a seven or eight week contract in Morrisburg at the Upper Canada Playhouse and a Fringe Festival run in Ottawa and Calgary; a workshop for Evolution Theatre's Little Martyrs as well as a reading of We Won't Pay! We Won't Pay! for our five year anniversary party; a voice-over contract in French for a birth control website; and a bilingual gig at the Upper Canada Village.

All of this led to accomplishing two of my goals for the year: I became a full union member of ACTRA and CAEA (and got a few more credits towards my full UdA status) and found an agent to represent me in the Toronto market.

And if you're looking at that pseudo goal list I created at this time last year, my laptop died and I moved myself into the wonderful world of the MacBook Pro. I didn't schedule time to write, but I did finish a first draft of my Roller Derby script. I completed a 5K Race and I'm now working towards being able to run a 10K. I took a bunch of incredible acting classes in order to keep training with more consistency and, as many of you know, I traveled a whole heck of a lot.

As for my marketing work, I was at the GCTC where, among other things, I implemented a social media marketing policy and gave my first workshop on the subject to the staff. Since they're still going strong in this area now that I'm gone, I'd like to think I did pretty alright there. After giving a presentation under the banner Art as Business, Business as Art - my chosen topic being Branding the Artist - during the Ottawa Fringe Festival's brilliant Lunchtime Artist Series Ignite the Fringe event, I was approached by Odyssey Theatre to help them with their marketing and promotions for They All Do It. (Oh and I learned that I probably influenced at least one new blogger in town.) And I also ran a pretty successful publicity campaign for 'I', which took place at The Gladstone in November.

As I briefly mentioned above, my theatre company, Evolution Theatre, after a year of workshopping new shows, celebrated its five year anniversary, became a resident company of Arts Court and announced the two shows we will be producing in February and May of 2011 (which will be a whole other post in the ver near future).

And though I can't beat this guy, I saw over 75 stage productions - give or take a couple that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

Oh and I became an auntie and a godmother to the most adorable little boy in the world.

It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops though: my grandparents passed away; I kissed a lot of frogs, but didn't find any real princes; I got sick, tired and depressed more often than I cared for; I never knew where I would be sleeping next or how I might be able to pay for my next meal; and, sadly, until I've figured out a more permanent home for myself, I've had to leave my cat, Winston, with someone else.

But Winston is being well taken cared of, my life feels like an incredible adventure, I've discovered that I have wonderful and generous friends, and there was making out. All in all, 2010 was pretty gosh-darn amazing!

I can't wait to see what's going to happen in 2011.

What You Waiting For?

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending the DiGi60 Festival in Ottawa. A movie I appeared in was getting its premiere.   It's a good little film called Connecting by Randy Kelly and I'm proud to say that it even won an award in the acting category. With all these indy filmmakers in one room, it got me thinking: here I am in Toronto (well, at the moment I'm somewhere in the Quinte region between Kingston and Belleville, but you get the picture) waiting for something to happen. Again. Some more.  But if Beckett taught me anything it's that waiting for something usually leads to more waiting. And guys on leashes. Which technically I guess I'm ok with.

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah. Waiting.

Nearing the 11th Hour, I handed in my application to the Ottawa Fringe Festival. Whether I get in or not - lottery is tonight at the Raw Sugar Café - my Roller Derby show is a go!  The first draft is done (mostly), I've been applying to every grant available to me to get it off the ground and talking to potential choreographers and movement coaches.  I also found out that I was accepted into the "Fresh Meat" program with the Toronto Roller Derby League. I start training next year.  I'm really excited about that.

I'm also working on translating a one-act play from English into French.  I got permission from the playwright and I'm shopping it around for a potential future production.  I've been dying to work more in French, but I can't seem to get my foot in the door as a performer.  Again: fuck it. Why wait?

And then, of course, there's Evolution Theatre.  I've been teasing about a big announcement for a while now, but just bear with me a little longer.  Details should be finalized this week.

So, if you've got an idea or you just want to do something, just go ahead and do it.  There are plenty of inexpensive ways for you to do so in the arts.  Oh and if you're checking out the Ottawa Fringe lottery tonight, could you please text me the results?

Ch-ch-ch-changes (Part Deux)

The last time I had a major change in my life was almost two years ago when I left full-time employment for the life of an artist. (You can read more on that here) This past week, I finally took the plunge: rented out my condo, packed up my stuff, relocated my cat and headed out to the Big Smoke.  And you know what?  It was fucking hard.  As much as I wish I could be noble and say how much I enjoy riding the wave of uncertainty (and don't get me wrong, a part of me does), I hate change.  With all the insecurity that comes with this chosen profession, I liked knowing that certain things were mine and I could come home to them.  Now, I don't have any of that.  Heck, I don't even have the certainty of living out of my suitcase either because it broke on me.

Since I own a one-bedroom condo and was leaving it furnished and equipped for the person coming in, I thought packing would be a breeze and didn't ask for any help.  This was a big mistake.  I was already incredibly emotional about the whole process and it turns out I've got way more stuff than I thought I did.  I mean, let's be honest.  I didn't ask for help, or turned some of it down because moving is an absolute pain in the ass.  How many times have you had a friend ask you to help them move and you conveniently found yourself busy that day?  I know I have.  But when I found myself up to my ears in boxes, crying over spilt cat food, all I really wanted was a friend with a clearer head to help me through this.

Then there was the issue with Winston.  By moving day, I still hadn't found a suitable, temporary abode for him.  Fortunately, I was saved at the 11th hour, but you can probably imagine the kind of stress I was under.

Until the end of November, at least, I'm going to be a vagabond of no real fixed address.  Though I'm hoping that most of that time will be spent in Toronto, who really knows?  After one week down there, I now find myself back in Ottawa for the next two... every time I think I'm out, someone pulls me back in.

Do I sound bitter?  Because I'm not.  I'm very lucky.  I've got great friends with comfortable beds for me to sleep in, Winston seems to be adjusting well to his new surroundings and I enjoy reading up on his adventures,  I've managed to technically finish a first draft of my Roller Derby script, I've got agents working for me, and I've got new headshots thanks to the fabulous Andrew Alexander.

Would you like to help me out in the support of my dreams? I'm not going to be afraid to ask anymore. Money is, of course, the biggest obstacle. Every little bit helps these days. I like eating, so if someone would like to take me out for a meal, I wouldn't say no. I can promise interesting conversation and insight into a crazy business.

I am also looking for sponsors/donors to help me finish my Roller Derby piece. I'll be writing a longer blog post about that very soon, but if you are interested please send me an email to nancyjkenny at yahoo dot com for more details.

Live to Learn

Soon, all of my posts will have to do with the Upper Canada Playhouse and the Ottawa Fringe Festival. But before that happened, I wanted to briefly mention how much I love learning. Seriously, I can't get enough of learning new things. It's difficult and frustrating at times, but man is it ever sweet when you can go "OH MY GOD I TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT!" Besides, as artists, it is important for us all to keep training and learning new things. It is the best and easiest (though not always the cheapest) way that I know to gain new skills and inspiration.

This past month, I had the opportunity to take two amazing, yet completely different workshops, which helped me out in more ways than one.

The first one was with the Ottawa Stilt Union. Guess what I learned there? Here, I'll give you a hint:

Yup, thanks to the incredibly patient, dedicated, amazing, possibly magical (I honestly can't say enough good things about this wonderful woman) Laura Astwood, yours truly can get up on pieces of plywood and walk nonchalantly around a room (sometimes I can even do it without bursting into tears and/or having a panic attack).

Now if you're my Mom, you're probably thinking "Why in the world would you want to do that?" (PS. Hi Mom!) For one thing, it's incredibly cool and something not a lot of people can do, for another it fulfills a deep-seeded childhood dream to join the circus, which my sister says I should have done many years ago (PS. Hi sis!)

But frankly, in the last couple of years, I've been interested in various forms of physical theatre. This workshop just pushed me further into that direction. Also, as a wannabe creator, I enjoy the work the Stilt Union does and am inspired by their collective pieces. It was nice to finally check them out up close in personal.

Also, stilting is an incredible workout. My time in the workshop reminded me how much I need to take care of my body and to keep it in shape. Since finishing the workshop, I've been working out almost every single day and even doing those horrendous ab exercises called the "Brazilian" (I think the one that involves hot wax is less painful) every single night because dammit if I'm not a glutton for punishment.

I expect more stilt walking in my near future.

The other workshop was through the awesome Guerilla Heart Juice. It was with the incredibleMartha Ross and was called Find Your Voice: A Writing Workshop. But this wasn't any simple writing workshop. GHJ is, after all, a movement school. No, this workshop helped us find our various character voices based on Martha's experience with the teachings of Jacques LeCoq.

It was incredibly freeing to find a character in the body first before bringing that character to the page. I had been experiencing writer's block for many many weeks now and this was the first time the valves opened up. I'm pretty sure I may have discovered a new character for my Derby show. More on that later, as it develops.

Who Said That?

I debated writing about this, but then I figured I would be cheating myself and other struggling writers if I didn't. A few nights ago, I was writing a couple more pages of my Roller Derby script. It's a one woman show but with multiple characters and I was going over a bit of dialogue between my main character and her mother. At one point, my main character said something and the mother's response was blatantly, (how shall I put this? *stage whisper*) homophobic.

I froze.

Wait a minute, did I just type that? What the hell?

I paced around the bathroom, seriously bothered, wondering what was wrong with me. That came from me? How could I be so terrible? And it's a mother character - does this mean people will now think I'm talking about my mother?

And then it hit me:

Think of any movie or play you've ever watched or a story you've read where the character does something "bad". Do you ever stop and go "Oh my God, that writer is a terrible person for coming up with something like that! I'm going to stop watching/reading right now." No. You go "Yeah, I know someone like that," or "What an interesting and dynamic story." Or you know, something like that.

The weird thing is, once I realized I wasn't writing fluff that had no specific point of view or that didn't take any kind of stand, my writer's block magically disappeared and I finally figured out the ending of my show.

Whoa. The lesson I learned? Take a risk with your writing. Just let what comes out, come out and see where it takes you. Besides, this is still only a first draft.

Now I just need to worry about this middle part...

More on this story as it develops.

What's In A Name?

I've finally gotten back into writing. I know it seems kind of ridiculous to think that someone who blogs as frequently as I do could have any trouble writing, but it's true. A blog post is easy: random topic on my mind, spout off a few thoughts, proof read as best I can, bing bang boom, done! It's somewhat short and sweet and that is, as they say, that. Now I'm going to completely contradict myself here, but I've come to realize that writing a play, on the other hand, does in fact scare me. I haven't figured out yet what I'm so scared of, but I do know I put an awful lot of pressure on myself to "make it perfect" or to have it "be the one" - you know, "the show to end all shows". Because I've created this incredibly high and unattainable ideal in my head, the next logical step, of course, is to never get it done in the first place, right? It can't be done so why try for anything beneath that?

Jeebus, I am screwed up.

Anyway, I've started writing my Derby show again and it is going fairly well. I've been reading through all my old notes and I chuckle. I didn't realize I could be funny.

However, I keep getting stuck on really stupid points. Do you know what I believe to be the hardest part when it comes to writing any piece of literature? Names. I have the hardest f'n time coming up with names. For most of my short playwriting career I've managed to cheat my way out of it use the old Neil LaBute approach by going with Man, Woman, Man Two, Angel, Devil, Sweet, Sour, ect... But I'm at the point now where multiple characters are popping up and, gosh darn it, they need names!

I keep thinking I have to be smart and clever with the names. You know, like all those names in the Harry Potter series which have a double-meaning related to the character's personality. Or that I need to stay away from the names of people I know because they might think the story is about them when really they just happen to have a very common name or a neat unusual name or it was just the first name that came up when I scrolled through Facebook.

It gets even harder when you start thinking up Derby names because many of those might actually belong to a certain player and you may need to get permission before being able to use it. So it might be easier to make some up, but that's a chore in and of itself.

I know this is just another way for me to procrastinate on my writing, but I'm really curious to know how any other writers out there do it? How do you come up with your character names?

Back To Me - The Power of No

Dear Readers, it's been three weeks since my last confession blog post. And still, approximately 40 of you keep coming back every day to see what's new. I sincerely appreciate that. Over the last few weeks, everything's felt off (and it has not just been a case of show withdrawal either). I've been feeling lost, anxious and overwhelmed all at the same time, which created a big ball of resistance and self-pity that I knowingly indulged in. I stopped writing. I stopped doing the work I enjoy. I threw myself into the comforting and familiar embrace of depression combined with avoidance in pointless busy work.

Then, little by little, I came out of it by doing something that actually scares me: I started saying 'No'.

I've built that word up in my head to mean so much more than what it actually does. To me, I had (and still struggle with) the false belief that saying 'No' leads to closing doors, missed opportunities and (gasp!) having people be mad at me (and, subsequently, not like me). So, I say yes to everything that comes my way: every project, every work opportunity, everything even if I don't really feel like doing it. Then I get overwhelmed and resentful because I'm not doing what I want to do... and the cycle begins anew.

But this time, I'm doing something different. I'm saying no. For my own personal sanity and well-being, I'm saying no to stuff. I think the biggest no of all was to the Ottawa Fringe Festival. After three years of producing shows, I'm taking a break. In fact, I didn't even apply to the lottery. Now, this doesn't mean that my Roller Derby show is kaput or that I wouldn't perform in someone else's show if given the opportunity. It just means I'm taking some time off from producing and I'm going to wait until I have something more solid on paper before I rush head first into another deficit.

All in all, I need to take care of me.

So, in the past few days, I've allowed myself to be inspired by the people and the situations that surround me. I've summoned new people into my life who bring with them a positive and fresh energy and I've let go of others who weren't beneficial. And I've stopped to listen to the messages that come to all of us (whether you call it intuition, your gut, The Universe, your guides or TPTB) in all their forms.

The Universe has been good to me, like a parent who waits patiently while their child chases around Disneyland on a sugar high; not exactly preventing me from doing anything, but waiting until I exhausted myself with all my running around so that I could hear where I'll be going to next.

Though I am not certain where all this will take me, I do know that I am right where I need to be and what I need to do next. Everything else is gravy.

Ultimatums

I've never been a big fan of ultimatums. Not in relationships, in work or in life in general. They're just so... final. As you may know, I've been working on a one woman roller derby show that I would like to tour cross-country next year on the Canadian Fringe Festival Circuit. Applications to the majority of festivals is by lottery. To make touring a tad easier on the performer, an organization called the Canadian Association of Fringe Festivals holds their own lottery every fall for the chance to participate in every festival of your choosing. You may or may not get in, but if you do, your entire touring schedule is now secured for the summer, months ahead of most local lottery deadlines.

The only hick? You need to have the cash for every single festival you want to apply to upfront. In my case, a potential 7 city tour, that comes up to almost $5000. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of money lying around (and if you do have that kind of money lying around, we should talk!). If I did, I wouldn't have been emptying out my cupboards of all canned goods since I've come back from China because my bills need paying and groceries seem to be a luxury at the moment.

So, I did the only thing a starving artist can do: I called my mom.

My mom was somewhat open to the idea. After all, I did get a grant from the City of Ottawa to write this piece. I talked to her about the lottery and how if I did not get in there would be no charges on her part. I would then apply individually to the various festivals and try my luck there. And of course she would be getting her money back by the end of the summer once my tour is done. However, my mom may have misunderstood my initial request. She seemed to think all I needed for the tour was $5000. After reviewing my budget plan, which brings expenses closer to the $20,000 mark, she did what all good moms would do. She kinda freaked.

And that's when the ultimatum reared it's ugly head. I've got until March to make this work. March is approximately when you can drop out of most festivals without incurring too much of a penalty.

I'm waiting to hear if I've received some grants that I've already applied for in December and there are new deadlines for other funding opportunities as well, but I'm scared. There is so much in this that involves chance and I've never really been that lucky before. This project means so much to me, but will it sell? Audiences across Canada are fickle. If I knew what they wanted, I'd be the greatest publicist on earth. But I don't know. All I can do is go about on blind faith (with a strong dash of hard work) and pray that it all pays off. My mother does not doubt that a Fringe tour would be a wonderful, soul-fulfilling experience. She just does not want me to go into a 5-digit debt load to accomplish that.

I guess there's no use in worrying about this right now. With my lotto luck, I may not get into a single festival next summer.