If I had to say I had a mantra this week, it would be "choice" and "possibility". Earlier in the week, I came to the stunning realization that I COULD quit my job tomorrow if I wanted to, but I CHOOSE to go in everyday. I'm not trapped, I'm not stuck, I go there because I have decided to go there. I can't tell you how that little distinction really changed my perspective and made work so much more enjoyable. Suddenly, everything looks different. A bunch of my classmates are heading down to L.A. in a few weeks. At first I felt depressed because I "couldn't" go because I have a job/not enough money/nowhere to stay, ect. But by understanding that those are only excuses and by simply by rephrasing it to I choose not to go makes me feel so much better.

Because there is a reason I took on a full-time job when I did. I have certain goals that I want to accomplish. I want to get out of debt and, right now, that is the most important thing for me. Being in debt and homeless stresses me out. When I'm stressed out, I'm not working well as an artist, so I took a job (or two) in order to remove that stressful barrier from my life, get out of debt and save up money so I can afford the initial fees for a Fringe tour next year.

A friend mentioned to me how lucky I was to be going to New York. I told her luck had nothing to do with it. I chose to go.

And because I am making choices for myself suddenly everything feels possible.

Growing up as a chubby kid, I never would have imagined that I could be an athlete. And yet here I am today, in probably the best shape of my life doing things like swinging myself up onto a circus trapeze for the very first time. It wasn't beautiful, it wasn't graceful (and I've always wondered who was the idiot that decided 'Nancy' means 'the graceful one'), but I did it on my own. Let me tell you there is bigger rush (rush of blood to the head?) than realizing your abs actually work as you hang upside down and flip yourself up to grab the bar. In that one little moment, I felt like a superhero and everything seemed possible.

I choose. It is possible.