What's Going On?

Let me just say my life is pretty awesome and I am incredibly grateful for all the wonderful things that have been happening lately. I am currently sitting on the set of a TV movie shooting in Ottawa. At 9 p.m. on Friday night, I learned that I was booked for a stand-in gig starting at noon on Sunday.

This situation really exemplifies to me the absurd nature of the working actor's life. You can go through incredibly long periods of drought in which you still have to remain readily available when that often elusive gig decides to fall in your lap. Not exactly something most employers approve of.

That's why I am so fortunate to be working at the GCTC with people who understand the situation. Flexibility is so important to me. Not to mention: the fact that I can still do what I love recharges me (even after long hours on set) and makes me want to work even harder at my day job in order to show my appreciation.

It's funny how I spent over a year without work and now that I have a job I start booking gigs like mad. I've got two other big projects coming up and I can't wait until I get my contracts in order to be able to talk about them here.

As for my current stand-in job, some of you might be wondering what that is. Stay tuned for a post on that subject in the very near future.

The Value of Me

There have been a lot of blog posts lately on working for free. A nice examination of what working for free can mean from the Mission Paradox and a fantastic call-to-arms on the Culture of Free by Suzemuse (it also introduced me to Feedly for which I am incredibly grateful - now if they only made an app...) and how it's got to change. This, combined with my boss asking me how much I would charge for my social media work, got me thinking: How much am I worth?

This is a very difficult question for me to answer because I love what I do so much and there's this false belief inside me that if I love my job and it's easy for me to do, then it's not work so how can I justify getting paid for it?

Crazy I know. This goes for both my acting work and my marketing work. For years I did community theatre, sometimes appearing in more than one play at the same time, because I love performing. I had to finally stop though. It no longer felt satisfying creatively, I didn't feel like I was gaining any sort of meaningful experience, and it was taking up an awful lot of my time for no compensation whatsoever.

Now, before anyone slams me, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with community theatre; it served as a valuable training ground in which to get my feet wet. I'm just saying that I was at the point where I had to take a stand. To continue on my path, I had to say "I am a professional artist. I have studied my craft for many years, I have a wealth of experience and knowledge, and, yes, I'm actually good at what I do. And that? Deserves compensation."

I don't know if you can understand how hard that was for me to do. By deciding to take that route, I ended up doing a lot less shows. I am constantly filled with doubt and fears along the lines of "what the hell do I know? Who am I to ask for more?" But I had to stand firm. I had to believe in myself. Now, the only way I would do a show for free would be if a) it's for some kind of fundraiser or cause I believe in, b) I was doing my own work (though that's in the hopes of eventually getting paid), or c) I was doing a friend a favour.

So, having said all that, why is it so hard for me to take the same stand in my marketing work?

I want money. Heck, I actually NEED money. But I am really uncomfortable around money. I don't like it and I wish I didn't need it. Unfortunately, I have a mortgage to pay and a cat to feed and those thing just don't take care of themselves (stupid cat should get a job already...).

For a while now, I've been trying to put myself out there as a marketing person for hire. That always gets me thinking of my favorite quote:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hn6fFTxeo]

"Do. Or do not. There is no try."

So this "trying" thing wasn't exactly working out because I wasn't doing anything. The thing is, I didn't even know where to begin or how much I should charge for my services. Finally though, when asked by work to send them a list of responsibilities and a price quote, I had to do some research. I contacted the best arts marketing person I know and asked her advice.

To be perfectly frank, her response kind of floored me. You charge HOW MUCH? I got self-conscious. I can't actually be expected to ask people for that, can I? Just to set up a Twitter account, a Facebook page... I mean, it's so easy! It hardly seems fair.

However, then I started to put things into perspective. Just because it's easy for me, doesn't mean it comes easily for everyone else. I work in an office of maybe 25 people - about three quarters of those have no idea what to do with digital media and most would probably be more than happy to pay someone else to do something about it.

I also had to put myself into perspective. I have a lot of experience. I've been working in Marketing, Promotions and Event Planning for over seven years now (wow, SEVEN!). I've got two B.A.s and a college certificate. I'm always taking classes, reading books and staying up-to-date on the next best thing in the world of marketing. People who hire me are paying me for that knowledge and experience, for the fact that they didn't have to go and do all that research. On top of that, contract work does not come with health benefits and vacation pay, so it's also normal that you would request more money on that front.

All this to say, I'm going to start charging for my services. You can check out my professional work resume on my LinkedIn profile to give you an idea of what I can do for you. Please send an email to nancyjkenny at yahoo dot com if you would like to discuss how I can help market your business. You can also schedule a meeting by using Tungle and checking my availability. If you buy me lunch, the initial consultation will be free.

In the meantime, I leave you with this awesome video on not giving it all away for free:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj5IV23g-fE]

Just Open the Door

I just got back from a pretty amazing trip to Toronto. Seriously, it was better than I could have possibly imagined. And to think I almost didn't go. In December, I had taken a pretty incredible workshop with an equally incredible lady named Barbara Deutsch. I knew she was coming back to Toronto in February and I really wanted to be there. In addition, I had two TO agents interested in meeting with me who were just waiting until the day I was coming down to schedule an appointment. You'd think I would have just jumped on that right then and there, right?

Unfortunately, my finances are incredibly tight at the moment and I just didn't think I could do it or justify it. I was feeling pretty bad. I don't like not being able to do what I really want to be doing because I'm lacking something as silly as money so I was desperately looking for a way to make it happen. I could afford the workshop, but not the trip down... I searched for a ride, tried to find discounted fares, but nothing was working. And then about 3 days before the workshop was set to begin, it hit me: I've been collecting Via Rail points for the last ten years! I have enough points for approximately 6 trips to Toronto.

The relief I felt was immediate. And the weird thing was that as soon as I opened the door to Toronto, everything just came pouring in with ease: the workshop still had room, the agents promptly replied to my emails, friends came out of the woodwork to meet with me (more on that later!), and, best of all, I started getting auditions!

I can't even begin to tell you how well things have been going for me lately, even before this whole trip to TO (which I'm repeating again on Sunday). I'm happy with my job, my Ottawa agent, my acting career and the path it's on... and all of this started happening when I just shifted my perspective on things.

What A Week!

Things were off to a great start last Sunday with the closing performance of BASH'd: A Gay Rap Opera at the GCTC followed by a theatre audition for a company in town. Then I spent some time with a friend and watched Heath Ledger's last performance in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus, an odd little film in which I learned it's best not to make a deal with Tom Waits. I had taken the time on the prior Saturday to come in and complete the finishing touches on a big project I was involved with at the GCTC. Oddly enough, my boss also decided to come in that day. There really is nothing better than choosing to work overtime and having your boss catch you at it. It's just like How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, only I was really trying. I was then able to take Monday off without much fuss.

It only got better after that. I received a call from a friend. Apparently their non-union film project got approved for union status and would I happen to be available on Thursday for a shoot? (More on this in my next blog post.)

Needless to say, I was super excited to be on set again and even more so when I contacted my union's branch office and found out that I would be getting another apprentice credit for my work. When you start out with ACTRA (The Alliance of Canadian Cinema, Television and Radio Artists), you typically begin as an Apprentice Member and you need to collect 6 credits before you can become a Full Member. More details on being an Apprentice can be found here. In the past, only one low budget film could be used towards your six credits. The reasoning being, I guess, that anyone could go out and make their own low budget films and get all their credits. However times change and so do some rules and regulations. I am now only one credit away from Full Member status (and some kind of minimal health insurance coverage!)

Oh and my agent also contacted me to let me know that I would be auditioning for a feature film on the Friday. so who knows, maybe I'm not that far away from Full Member status after all...

Somehow, I managed to do all this while juggling 40 hours of work and the big audience development project we had going on over the weekend. Oh and Thursday was also payday! Gosh, I wish all my weeks could be like that, but right now I am just grateful that everything just came together so well.

People Who Need People

Have you ever really taken a good look at the people who surround you? I mean, a really good look. Who are they? Why are they there in your life at this very moment? I've often been under the mistaken assumption that I am alone. I live by myself and don't have a significant other. In my mind, as well intentioned as the cat may be, that means I am alone. However, this past month has shown me how false that statement truly is.

January has been an odd month filled with transitions, adjustments, and even a few disappointments. There's always a certain level of challenge that comes from change and I have to tell you that there were times when I wasn't sure I could deal with it all. A new job, more doubts on my artistic abilities (though to be honest, that's nothing new), family trouble, a loss of inspiration... I know it doesn't seem like much, but sometimes the little things add up for even the strongest of people.

That said, whenever I thought it was just too much, whenever I felt like I didn't know where I was going any more, whenever I just started to panic about it all, somehow there was always someone there to fall back on. Hindsight is 20/20, and I didn't realize it at the time, but I got exactly the kind of help I needed at the right time.

One of those amazing, helpful people actually forwarded this little note to me not too long ago about the types who might be walking in and out of your life. I encourage you to have a read (it's short) and take a moment to reflect on who those people might be in your own world.

So to everyone who's around for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime, I'd just like to say thank you.

I couldn't do it without you.

BASH'd Reviews

Okay, just so everyone doesn't think it's all doom and gloom. BASH'd! A Gay Rap Opera has been receiving incredibly positive reviews across the board and so I thought I'd give you a sampling of them here.

Oh and if you'd like to meet the guys from BASH'd, Chris Craddock and Nathan Cuckow will be at The Lookout Bar in Ottawa tonight. Tomorrow's show (affectionately dubbed BASH'd Bash) is also a fundraiser for a variety of local groups in town, including Toto Too Theatre. The guys will be participating in a post-show talkback and there will be a reception following the performance and chat at the GCTC. Click on the links for ticket information.

What the critics are saying:

"…BASH’d is simply that good." - Denis Armstrong, Ottawa Sun

"...a performance that, on Thursday night, left the audience practically humming with energy." Patrick Langston, Ottawa Citizen

"The rapping… is very clever and easy to follow." - Katie Marsh, Apartment 613

"BASH'd: a gay rap opera for everyone." - Wayne Current, The Wellington Oracle

"I defy anyone to keep their foot from tapping or head from bobbing…" - Connie Meng, North Country Public Radio

"Don't fear the rapper" - Andrew Snowdon, Ottawa Tonite

What the audience is saying:

“Amazing show. You Rock.”

“It was brilliant on every level!”

“That was friggin awesome!”

Remember, those are their Viewpoints, come on down and let us know yours! BASH’d! A Gay Rap Opera continues until January 31.

My Own Six Feet Under

I lovingly blame Camus and my grandmother for this post. For the past, maybe fifteen years or so, my mother has been the proud owner of a convenience store in small-town New Brunswick. Although it hasn't always been that way, thanks to an incredible amount of dedication, hard work and self-sacrifice on my mom's part, it is now quite a profitable business. That said, after all these years, you get tired and, for probably the past five or more, I've been hearing her speak of retirement.

But you know how it goes:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPw-3e_pzqU]

At some point, when my grandmother was sick and in palliative care, she asked my mother what she was doing. She thought my mother was done. Why was she still working at that store? My mother didn't really have a good answer.

My grandmother passed away a year ago this week. When everything was said and done, my mother went in to pay the funeral director and they had a bit of a chat. The director was very impressed with my mother's business savvy and how she treats her employees. He asked her to go into business with him.

My mother took it as a sign, or more likely a little cosmic joke from my grandmother, and since last year, she has now been the proud co-owner of a series of funeral homes. And by extension, I am the proud co-owner of a series of funeral homes.

It was a weird holiday season in many ways. My mom and I watched the entire first season of Six Feet Under on DVD. December was a busy month with lots of new clients coming in (you understand what I mean by that, right?) and I joined my mother at one of the funeral homes.

The funeral director is an incredibly kind and pleasant man. Honestly, you have never seen someone better suited to his job. He spoke to me in excited tones as my mother gave me a tour. The creepy factor was semi-high, but what creeped me out even more was the fact that I found this all to be so... normal. Perhaps 13 episodes of SFU had already prepared me for all this.

There is one small room that was filled with coffins. Seriously, jam packed. They were lining the walls from floor to ceiling. Some of them were open to show you the lining and they all came in a variety of colours. I kept expecting someone to climb out of a closed casket, but that's just silly.

The dead bodies were in the other room.

The funeral director asked me if I wanted to see the preparation room. There was 'someone' in there and that I didn't have to go if I was scared. I think the colour drained from my face as I bravely muttered that I wasn't scared and I would go have a look. My mother laughed.

I was expecting the prep room to be bigger. They have the whole basement of a house in SFU, but this room was no bigger than my bedroom (eesh, I can't believe I made THAT connection). A very large man was laid out under a sheet with his feet facing the door. I didn't go in to see his face, because all I could stare at was a very blue foot with a very long toenail peeking out from beneath the sheet. There were jars and instruments and a big giant tube than ran from the man all the way into a toilet on the side of the room. My mind was racing: part scared and part contemplating the beautiful framing of this shot if it ever was a movie.

Because it was beautiful.

From the office, I could see someone had been laid out for a viewing. I couldn't see the person's head because the door frame was in the way, but once again I thought about camera angles and framing. The director (funny how he's also called a director) told me about the kinds of conversations he has with people who bring in a loved (and sometimes not-so-loved) one. It's crazy the level of humanity he is witness to on a daily basis; the things people still try to hide, even in death; the level of uncomfortableness around the subject; the family dynamics...

It gives you a lot to think about and I still do, even a month later.

So You Wanted A Sign

I was having a bad day. It was one of those days where everything was going wrong: I slept through my alarm. I ripped my shirt. I gave myself a charlie-horse putting on boots. I watched my bus drive away two minutes early and the next one was five minutes late. I ran out of bus tickets (you know, since I lost my bus pass two weeks ago). My key pass wouldn't work in the building door so I was locked out. Everyone I tried to call for help was in a meeting. I arrived late for said meeting. My computer wouldn't work. When it finally did work, I couldn't get access to certain programs I needed nor could I get it to print. My Rogers service suddenly cut out on my phone. I lost my favorite sweater somewhere (if I knew where it wouldn't be lost now would it?) I got stood up (again). But what really made me go crazy, what really did me in was the fucking (I'm French, I can use that word) elevator being out of service. Since the previously mentioned key was not working, this meant I could not take the stairs or I would be locked out of the building (again). I had finally decided that I was going to give up, grab some readings and have lunch, but I couldn't even do that. I felt trapped. I felt nauseous. I felt like the walls were closing in and I just had to get out. It seems so stupid. I don't have a bad life. I have a roof over my head. I have food in the fridge. I'm employed. I work with nice people. I have my health. My world was not literally shaken up by an Act of God (or you know, whomever that was). I'm not stuck in the middle of a war. I just had to spend an extra 15 minutes on the floor I worked on. That's all. And I panicked. In a fight or flight situation, apparently I choose flight.

People think I have my shit together, but frankly, I don't have a fucking clue.

So I ran away. I'm good at that. Years of practice. I contacted a friend for support who immediately told me to join her at the Rideau Centre for a hug. Since I am a firm believer that a great hug can solve everything, I did just that.

Getting back on the bus, I noticed that someone had forgotten a book in the seat. I felt bad. I've lost things before (see above, re: bus pass & sweater) and I hate when that happens. Then of course the selfish part of me thought how much I love books and hey, what's one more? But I shoved that aside and opened the cover to see whom it might belong to. It turns out it didn't belong to anybody. No, no, not in a "there was no name on the cover kind of way." The book actually belongs to everybody. This book is a traveling book. It's been logged onto a site called BookCrossing. Now, I had heard of such things before, but I had never actually encountered one.

Could this be a sign? This book is about philosophy and life and probably holds all the answers my soul has been longing for. In my darkness, could this be the beacon of light I was hoping, nay yearning for? Could it be? Could it?

The book? The Outsider (or The Stranger or L'étranger) by Camus.

Uh, yeah. Have you read this book? I now have. Let's just say I may have been a tad too exuberant in quest for answers. My realization: if you're feeling bummed out, Albert Camus may not be the best guy to go out for lunch with... you know, even if he were still alive. Which he isn't. Which probably doesn't matter to him anyway since life is pretty much meaningless. At least that's what I got from the read.

I got a sign alright. A sign that The Universe was having a laugh.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SK3y1a8TYs]

It did get me thinking however, in existentialism and the absurdity of life and all those other things I had to look up through Wikipedia because I couldn't remember exactly what they were from my first year philosophy and political thought classes in university. So I open up the floor (or the comment section or whatever) for a meaningful philosophical discussion.

Go nuts everybody! In the meantime, I'll be dropping this book off at a coffee shop somewhere in the hopes that someone else gets a little more out of it than I did.