The Colour of Uncertainty - A Ramble

No one knows what happens next.  No one knows really where they will be 5 years from now, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, 5 minutes from now...  But most people have something they can technically hold on to: a job, school, a partner...  something they can count on for next little while. I don't have any of that.

Class is done and I'm back in Ottawa.  For how long, I don't know. I've spent a long night on the bus and slept very little before going to do a short standardized patient gig.  But class was good.  Better than good.  I feel like I've grown as an artist, I feel better about upcoming auditions... you know, if there were any.  But I still have to be available for when there are...

I thought I would be working tonight, but the job got canceled. More uncertainty. More instability.

I've made a to do list.  I need money. And my iPhone back.  Sometimes I think obstacles get in the way because it's the Universe's way of asking: "Do you really want this? Do you? Are you suuuuuuuure? Ok, keep going then. And watch out for that tree."

Living the life you want can be hard. Many people won't support it or you.  You'll find yourself alone wondering why you can't just be happy doing what everyone else is doing.  You start to think you're crazy.  And you learn to make food out of variety of random things found in your cupboard, because eating fresh tonight is not a possibility.  It could be so easy to just settle into a full-time job.  So, so easy. I might do it again someday, who knows?

But you don't give up. You never give up. Because you want this so so very much. And you'd just hate yourself if you didn't try.

Extreme Method

A few months ago, I mentioned that I do work as a Standardized Patient. I've signed confidentiality agreements and so I can't talk about the specifics of cases, especially not in this blog. These are medical exams after all and, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to have a doctor who passed his exam because he cheated through regular readership on some chicky's acting blog. Oh, and I don't want to get sued. There's that too. That said, I am allowed to mention that I do the work in general. So far, I had always found SP work to be quite simple. Learn some case details, show up for training, show up for exam, listen to the candidate, improv a little when thrown a curve ball, eat some free food, done. Easy paycheck.

Yesterday though, things changed. I didn't realize I had a case that would be both tough on me physically and mentally until it started. Some details started hitting close to home and, during a break, I broke down a bit. When you put yourself into a position where you try to be as believable as possible with your "part" and you keep repeating the same issue over and over again, it's understandable that your mind and body might get a little confused. It starts to take a toll. (This actually got me thinking about Hugh Laurie and his current leg issues on House.) They do have spares that are available to replace us if something happens, but it was late in the day and the spare was already sent home. I did talk to the trainers/supervisors. They would have let me sit it out if I absolutely needed to, but I knew I would be leaving them in a bind. My actor survival instinct kind of kicked in at that moment. I splashed some water on my face, had a soda and a good stretch and then I jumped right back in. It was difficult, but I managed.

We were debriefed on the case post-exam and I know they will propose some changes, which might include an SP rotation and more frequent breaks. That said, the shadow of this case followed me home and haunted me for a good two to three hours later. I just couldn't shake it off. Finally, I did the one thing I realized always clears my head these days. I went for a run. I pumped my legs harder than I ever had before with angry music blaring in my ears. In the damp night air, the coolness on my face was invigorating and I started feeling like myself again.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Have you ever had difficulty letting go of a part or a character? Am I just weird?

Rambling Farewell to June

This was originally going to be a wrap-up post about the Ottawa Fringe Festival, but too many amazing things happened throughout the month of June that I feel the need to go a little more in dept. Adjectives like glorious, amazing, incredible and the ever popular fantabulous will get thrown about so be prepared. This is going to be one of those look at all the great things that happened to me posts. Not because I feel like boasting about it all (ok, maybe a little), but because I sometimes need to remind myself that I am on the right path, even when a few pebbles get in my shoes. June was a month of glorious theatre intensiveness. Both the Magnetic North Theatre Festival and the Ottawa Fringe Festival took up large chunks of my time through shows, drinking, workshops, networking, drinking, creation, performance, and did I mention there may have been some drinking?

By my calculations, if you include the reading series, almost 75 shows were presented to the general public. Fantabulous! I saw the vast majority, because my sanity is somewhat in doubt.

I did an incredible amount of networking which amounted in new contacts made here and across the country. My long dormant public speaking skills also made a brief resurgence during one particular MNTF workshop which directly resulted in having the Artistic Director of the National Arts Centre's English Theatre program attending my Fringe show and the Artistic Director of one of Ottawa's oldest professional theatre companies buying me a glass of wine (though honestly I think it was because he was bored with a certain workshop, but I'm not going to argue).

Other June highlights include a stack of auditions in Ottawa, Montreal and Toronto; an extra union credit on the French side; some standardized patient work; the creation of a new production company; losing almost ten pounds; winning a crapload of gift certificates (MOST PERSISTENT DANCER FTW!) and, of course, this little show called No Exit Upstage - perhaps you've heard of it recently?

Oh, and the greatest of all my news: I received a creation grant from the City of Ottawa to develop my piece on Women's Roller Derby!!! A piece I hope to get off the ground with the help of my ultimate Fringe Crush, of course.

June was simply divine and July is shaping up to be even better: lots of get-togethers, a few tweaks and rewrites for No Exit Upstage, and then I ship off to the Winnipeg Fringe Festival.

I'm not sure how much blogging will get done between now and then, but you can be sure I will be keeping everyone up-to-date on Nancy and Natasha's Adventures in Winnipeg... That sounds catchy, like a TV series I could pitch to YTV. We'd have to clean it up a bit, but Natasha's a mom so she'd know if something wasn't appropriate...

Uh, where was I? Oh yeah, blogging about Winnipeg. Anyway, if my stats throughout the Ottawa Fringe are any indication, there are a lot of you out there who seem to be interested in what I might have to say... either that or an Adorkable Thespian just likes repeatedly clicking on my links... (Psst, Nadine, you can totally click on my links ANYTIME! - Yes, I meant that to sound dirty.)

Standardized Testing

Through my twitter updates in the past few weeks, I had made mention of working as a Standardized Patient. This led to a few people (ok, one - Hi Wayne!) asking for a post on the topic, so here it is. Wikipedia gives a pretty good definition of Standardized (or Simulated) Patients which can be summed up as: an individual who is trained to act as a real patient in order to simulate a set of symptoms or problems. Simulated patients have been successfully used in medical education, evaluation, and research.

I've been doing work over the past couple of months through the University of Ottawa Medical School and the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons in Canada. Though I've been sworn to secrecy regarding the "roles" I was playing (literally - we had to sign confidentiality agreements), I can tell you a bit about what it entails.

At the U of O, I've done in-class standardized patients, practice exams, and the actual exams for the Med Students. I've also been sent out to some psychology department so the students could sit in on a "session" and I've been used in a training session where doctors have to practice their empathy skills in difficult or delicate situations. At the Royal College, I've participated in the specialization exams. This is where current doctors have to pass an exam so that they may specialize in a particular discipline in the field of medicine.

It's a pretty interesting form of acting work when you think about it. You're given a character, some given circumstances/symptoms and sometimes you even get lines. You get training sessions (and like any rehearsal process, you have to attend every one you are called for) and, in certain situations, you get to improvise a lot. Sometimes it's just a matter of thinking quickly on your feet (say a candidate asks you your husband's name or your current profession - which was not outlined in your information packet), but other times it may be a full blown improv (like the psych and empathy ones were for me - "You are Person X and you did this - Go!").

I also run into a lot of fellow actor friends when I do the SP work. It's understandable. When times are slow, it gives you a chance to somewhat stay sharp and still get paid for it. And the pay is pretty darn good, though it takes a quite a while before the cheque comes in. Oh and sometimes they have food. I like food.

The work is pretty sporadic - every Spring and Fall, but if you are interested in doing this in the Ottawa area, let me know. I have the names of people you can get in touch with. They will pretty much take anyone who is responsible and willing to do the work. I've also heard that this type of work takes place for Law and Police exams, though I have yet to find a contact for those. If anyone knows how I could get into this, please leave a comment and I will be in touch.